Friday, February 4, 2011

4. the magazine angel

I know, I know... a similar idea from the last post. text, scribbles, and an angel.
but this one has color!!!!
lots of color!!!

maybe tomorrow, if it snows,
I'll - I'll make a snow....

and then carve an angel out of ice :)

In the meantime, if I may write about my life for a minute,  I am at an utter loss of when to decide when I should be moving. I had high hopes to be moved out by the end of this month, and in with my boyfriend, who lives in California. I know how that comes off, and I never thought I would be kind of girl to say that, but honestly... he's such an amazing man. And marriage is in the works :) this is no spur-of-the-moment hippie deal. This is real, long-lasting, adventure-seeking, love... something I didn't think I would have at the age of 21.

But between some job issues, (not getting enough hours to make enough money), major college decisions (do I go for my bachelor's now, or put it off? already have my associates. but I need loans for the rest, and parents have cut me off from funding...), and then some serious (and I mean serious) family issues, I just don't know how its all going to pan out, especially in a peaceful, easy manner.

A large part of me is so eager to pack up and go. We've been doing the whole long-distance thing for over 3 months now, and its hard :/
Not to mention, there's nothing left here for me in Texas than to keep working, and fight with my bi-polar parents on a daily basis. I'm stressed, possibly developing an ulcer, (2nd doc appointment on tuesday for the pain), and need to finally be on my own, and be independent.

But another part of me wishes to make my parents as happy as I can before I go. They've already condemned me as a harlot and said that God would no longer bless me, and go for days without speaking to, or even looking at me.... its so hard to even ask how their day was without getting my head bitten off, but I still love them, appreciate what they do for me, and don't want to burn every bridge on my way out the door. And yet, I'm starting to feel that its a lost cause...

Its very, very frustrating and confusing :/
and its now 4:46 am.
I meant to go to bed hours ago. Oh well.

At any rate, yay for possible snow in the deep south here, and prayers for the rest of the country, buried deep in the cold.


No comments:

Post a Comment